Dear God,
Greetings from Earth…you know, that little planet You created in the corner of the Milky Way Galaxy, the one you get all the complaints from. Thanks for all of Your incredible blessings. We don’t say that often enough. But me and some of my readers have compiled a list of questions for you.
I know you’re real busy. Just dealing with politicians must be a full time job. But when you have a sec, could you provide answers? Some of the questions are deep, and some might seem a little silly, but you know what they say…..there’s no such thing as a stupid question.
By the way, is that really true? I guess that’s the first question. Here are some others:
Why do multi-million dollar show business celebrities think we care about their political opinions? Nobody could be more out of touch with the common people.
Why does my auto correct think it is smarter than I am?
Is my auto correct smarter than I am?
Why do people push elevator buttons that have clearly already been pushed?
What exactly was your thought process when you created cockroaches?
Is there a good way to tell if someone is actually talking to me or is just on the phone with one of those ear clip devices?
Why do some drivers on the freeway, after passing a sign that says “left lane closed ahead”, deliberately drive all the way down the left lane to the merge point, and then expect someone to let them in?
Why won’t anyone let me in when I drive all the way down the left lane after passing a sign that says “left lane closed ahead”?
Why does the losing party on “Judge Judy” pretend to be mad when the decision doesn’t go their way, since both parties make money anyway for being on the show?
Broccoli?
Why won’t the automated answering service listen to me when I tell her that I really don’t care that the list of options has changed? I still want to speak to an agent, just like always.
Why do people drive hundreds of miles to watch their favorite football team on Saturday, but won’t drive 2 or 3 miles to go to church on Sunday?
How did hate get invented? Was it because love had to have an opposite? And why is hate so much easier?
Why do bad things happen to good people? I know you get that one a lot. I guess it’s because the answers we’ve tried to figure out don’t make us feel better.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton? Really? This is what happens when You give us free will.
Would you consider going back and giving Adam and Eve another chance? I’m sure they would make a better decision this time.
Now that so many men are letting their facial hair grow, is it okay for women to stop shaving their legs? (I would like to suggest a big “no” on this one.)
When we look in the mirror, is that really what we look like? Or are You playing a really cruel joke on us?
Why did you create guns? I don’t see the upside.
Why do we run a fever when we have a cold? Shouldn’t it be called a “hot”?
Why is our culture becoming so sexually explicit and immoral? What is it we are searching for?
Why does my little dog chase and bark at a squirrel as though it is an evil threat, but when a stranger appears at my door, the dog rolls over on his back and waits for a tummy scratch?
Why won’t people give You credit for the incredible miracles you perform every day? Are they afraid of You?
Some of my readers may comment with more questions. Please be patient with us. We’re all just trying to figure this stuff out. Thanks for listening.
Your humble servant,
Ken
P.S. Thanks for banana pudding and football. They are two of your best things.
Banana pudding, football and grand children!!