THE NIGHT WE WENT OFFLINE

It was just your average weekday late afternoon, maybe around 4pm.  Sharon and I were in our usual routine, sitting in the living room, TV on, but both of us engaged in something else.  She was surfing the internet on her Ipad, I was engrossed in a crossword puzzle.

One of those daytime judge shows was on.  Sharon loves those and I hate them.  Every case always seems the same.  Couple used to date, money or property changed hands, one claims it was a gift, the other a loan blah, blah, blah.  Judge scolds them and lectures them on responsibility, pounds her gavel, and the show goes to a commercial break featuring four back to back lawyer commercials (every one of which will be rerun in the next and every break).

You get the picture.  Just a normal day…..but then it happened.

It began with Sharon inquiring “Is our wifi down?  I just lost the internet on my Ipad.”  I grabbed my phone which was lying  on the end table next to my easy chair.  I entered my access code and tried to log on.  Sure enough.  “Could not find the server” stared back at me.  I was not concerned.  This happens frequently in our house.  For some reason, the wifi drops out occasionally and requires being rebooted.

I confidently, maybe even a bit smugly (because I have a completely false sense of being tech savvy) strode to the guest bedroom where the internet connection comes into the house.  I then performed the highly technical and complex task of rebooting the signal.  (I unplugged the wifi unit and plugged it back in.)  All of the little lights on the wifi starting flashing and twinkling in some weird ritual sequence, as they always do, and after about a minute they became stable.  This is the sign that all is well with the universe again.

Except it wasn’t.  “Nope”, said Sharon.  “Still don’t have it”.  Taken aback, I tried again on my phone.  Nothing.  Now a bit anxious, I rebooted again.  Still nothing.  I then threw all of my engineering expertise into finding the problem, which consisted mainly of jiggling all the wires, unplugging and replugging everything in the building, and rifling through the closet trying to find the box the wifi came in to see if there was an operator’s manual.  Failing all of that, panic began to set in.

No wifi?  That might mean no email, no Facebook, no Amazon, no surfing, no Twitter, no amusing videos…..heck, even the satellite TV service is web-based.  The world as I knew it was crumbling around me!

I rushed back into the living room.  The TV satellite was still working!  The judge show was still on!  Thank God!  I’ve never been so happy to see a woman with pink hair and a lip ring be awarded $500 because she tripped over her unemployed neighbor’s dog.

But why would the internet-based TV work, yet not the phones or the Ipad?  It was time to call for help.  I’ll just quickly go to my provider’s website and  get the tech assistance phone number and………..Oops…..Can’t do that.  Of course I don’t have that number written down anywhere.  Who writes down phone numbers any more?

At this point Sharon produced a dog-eared phone book from the bottom of a drawer.   I don’t want to say it was old, but the picture on the cover was President Clinton beneath an American flag.  I found the phone number for our internet provider, but of course, it was no longer in service.

Always the calming influence in the eye of the storm, Sharon then produced a copy of something that looked like a modern version of the Yellow Pages.  Remember those?  This one was actually dated 2018!  I eagerly searched under Internet Providers, found my company and called the customer service line.  After the usual automated merry-go-round, I was finally connected with a recording:

“Customers in our area are experiencing an interruption in their internet service due to a damaged fiber optic cable.  We are working to solve the problem but at this time we have no timetable as to when the problem will be resolved.  Thank you for your patience.”

I guess you could say I was relieved and troubled all at the same time……. relieved that it wasn’t just me (and therefore out of my control), but troubled because I had no idea how long I might be without Google Maps or Virtual Hangman.

At any rate, Sharon and I now had to face reality…..an evening offline.  Could we survive?  Gradually, she started telling me about her day, and I mine.  We shared some funny things that have happened in our lives recently, laughed and carried on.  We actually started paying attention to the TV shows we had on and discovered some of them were quite good, while others made us question why we ever put them on in the first place.  I played with the dogs, finished my crossword, made myself a snack, and went to bed early resulting in actually getting a good night’s rest.  All in all, it turned out to be a rather great evening!

So this is what it was like before the internet.  I had forgotten.  Maybe we don’t need all the technology and instant information after all.  Maybe actual live interaction with each other is a better way to live.  Maybe by spending real time together we can get to know and love one another better.  Maybe we could………………….

Wait…..the internet just came back on.  Sorry, can’t write anymore.  I just found a video of a one-legged kangaroo attacking a French tourist!